Deep Dark Depression

I don’t remember exactly when it started but a cloud came over me. One of those dark clouds full of doom and gloom. I barely left my bed. I worked from bed. I ate from bed. I watched TV from bed binging the same reruns over and over again. The only time I went outside was to let the dog out for relief, not sure I’d even consider it a walk – no this was a business only mission – lucky if we walked around the block. Covid didn’t help – I stopped playing kickball out of fear of catching he nasty disease and never went back to it. I was socially isolated working remotely, most weeks the only people I saw were my parents for our regular Sunday dinners. At dinner I was withdrawn, not having much to add to the conversation. Work at the time had slowed down to a crawl but I didn’t care. I didn’t care about much. Even with my niece and nephew I was withdrawn. I couldn’t muster up the energy to be the fun Aunt I once envisioned myself being.

This wasn’t for a lack of trying. In January of 2022 I entered therapy. I also worked with my psychiatrist on potential therapies including trying with my insurance company to get me approved for ketamine treatments. The outlook was bleak. People at work noticed I wasn’t my usual self. I felt like a blob.